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WWE Judgment Day 2009 PPV Review

From Rosemont, Illinois. Original air date: 05/17/09

Umaga d. CM Punk, Samoan Spike — brooch (***1/2).

So why is Umaga fighting Pepsiman anyway? Either way, the hometown rule applies here as Punk gets the job done, although it was a pretty good start if not with lots of nifty spots like G2S thwarted in a Samoan drop. I don’t understand WWE’s obsession with having their talent ALWAYS lose in their hometown, unless you’re Jim Ross then you’re embarrassed on a grand scale.

ECW Champion Christian d. Jack Swagger, a handful of tights — pin (***1/2).

I really enjoyed this match and loved it when Christian jumped off the top rope over Swagger and ran to the other side haha… Classic Christian. The end came when Swagger went for the gutwrench powerbomb, but Xian turned around, went for the killswitch, as Swagger walked away, then Xian did a rollup, with a handful of FTW tights and for deepen the dispute. Guess Christian is the dirtiest new player in the game. Kind of a lame ending, though. Too bad Christian isn’t “popular” enough to have a clear win.

Meanwhile, Edge and Chavo argue. Edge told Chavo to do something about the transvestite calling his aunt a pig. Edge is awesome and one of the best actors in WWE. He can make a mediocre promo look amazing by the way he delivers it.

John Morrison d. Shelton Benjamin, Starship Pain — Brooch (***).

Unfortunately, Charlie Haas has given up on the impersonation gimmick. Although I’m glad to see the World’s Greatest Tag Team reunited, The Great Charli > WGTT. Anyway, it was a good game, but something was missing. Maybe it was the crowd; they didn’t quite seem to buy Nitro as a face. At any rate. great stuff at the end as both guys hit some nice spots and in the end Nitro wins with his flippy spinny indy move. Both of these guys need more game time; they can put on quite a show.

The comedy segment saw The Miz directly jack Alfonso Soriano at ringside and mention Jannetty (who was a nice reference), a band of Ducks, Chicago Cubs & SMH. Then oddly, Santino makes the stop for Soriano and calls him The Fiz. The two most hilarious wrestlers on Raw against each other? They should continue like this. A Miz-Santino feud would be priceless.

Intercontinental champion Rey Mysterio d. Chris Jericho with cropped pants, 619 — pin (***).

Jericho is getting stale, he should go back to his smarmy and arrogant ways like his days in WCW. Anyway, Jericho throws Mysterio around the ring like a rag doll and Rey is so small compared to Jericho, I don’t think Y2J can make this feud work because of it. Either way, the match would have been average if Jericho hadn’t promoted with the “guarantee” that there would be no 619; gave the game a story. And I usually hate Mysterio matches, because they’re so formulaic, but it was a good match, thanks to Jericho. However, Rey is a total shell of himself. Advertisers talk about how he’s a “high-flyer” but he hardly does that anymore. He should retire so he can walk in 10 years.

Stealing Batista d. WWE Champion Randy Orton without hair, attacking the referee — DQ (*1/2).

Finally, a toilet break match. Orton may be fine, but needs someone to help him, and that man isn’t Batista. Same for Batista. They simply cancel each other out. Anyway, there was significant RKO chanting and it wasn’t a pro-DAVE crowd. This match just sucked the energy out of the show. These two guys are like video game characters. Repetitive movements, awkward animations, on excessive normal mapping and sometimes victim of lag. If Orton’s knockout was a headache, he would win every game. The end came when Orton deliberately disqualified himself, attacking the referee in a cheap end. Those kinds of finishes make you wonder why he didn’t slap the ref two seconds into the game and walk away. After the match, Legacy came down to attack Big Dave, but a 90-year-old man saved him. Whoo. Damn Flair, stay retired.

John Cena with chances to overcome d. The big show, attitude adjustment — pin

.

I love how Cena looks like he’s about to cry when he’s in that downcast look. Cena Sucks’ vocals are way louder than they should be. What if I had a dollar for every time they said “No one evokes more emotion in the WWE Universe than John Cena.” and “The World’s Greatest Athlete”. For this match alone, I could buy WWE 100 times. And man, it’s amazing how quickly and how severely this PPV has gone from possible PPV of the Year to total nap festival. Anyway, in the end, Cena overcomes adversity and by God, I’m so inspired! Miracles happen! Boring game, though. So if Cena is Superman, does that make having a good match with the Big Show his kryptonite?

Edge World Champion d. Jeff Hardy, DDT on the top rope – pin (***).

This has been a show where champions come out first. The end came when Matt Hardy stepped in and attacked Jeff, Cowboy Bob Orton style, with a cast on his arm. It was a good game until Matt Hardy came out. Judgment Day is then over and there is no punk and no cashing in, just credits. I guess the hometown rule is still in effect. Still Edge is still the champion, so all is well with the world.

Man of the Night: Miz – he’s definitely stepped up his game lately and I love it. We needed a heel “under the skin” in the worst possible way; it’s so boring, and yet you can’t stop watching because it takes trash to a whole new level

Death Threat of the Night: Flair – he should seriously stay retired. I hope it’s a once off thing, and that he doesn’t come back to wrestling.

Best match of the night: Xian vs. Swagger – great match.

Worst game of the night: Cena v. Show – boring game.

Jobber of the Night: Punk loses two consecutive PPVs. Guess CM Punk didn’t drink his Pepsi Natural before the game.

Squash of the Night: So Legacy was completely dismantled by a 39-year-old non-wrestler and a 60-year-old retired wrestler. Nice writing, WWE. The only time I liked Legacy was when Orton kissed Stephanie because I didn’t expect it. Otherwise, Legacy suffered from poor writing, poor promos, and horrible matches.

Blown Spot of the Night: Mysterio took what looked like a bad fall, although he looked good afterwards, but for a second I thought he was done for.

Surprise of the night: Edge-Hardy goes last, and Punk does not cash.

Over Done: Matt Hardy’s run-in was not necessary.

Homo-erotic moment: Cole and Lawler acting surprised when Cena won; “He tried the impossible…and somehow he did it!” / “Win Without Fear!” / “Cena convinced a lot of people tonight!”

To hell with the Smarks: No Punk, and a useless break-in from Matt. WWE drags out some of these storylines for far too long.

Quoteable Quotes: “This chair is always dangerous!” — Michael Cole during the WWE Title match.

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